Mitcham 210-4

W&H 198-9 (G Morley 73* T Green 57)

by Damo Honey

Well no Mentalist again this week - he was allegedly at home with a sore eyebrow after an incident with a cheesegrater, so its the Woking megastar himself fresh from setting up a date with Holly Valance after his autograph signing in Woking town centre the day before.

The skipper called for an improved performance after last week and lets be honest the signs werent good as one by one people nursing hangovers from watching David Seaman collect his coat the day before gradually turned up. Rhino looked tired after a day out with his girlfriend whilst the Humandog was still wearing last nights clothes and still stinking of last nights booze. Dikko however was rather spritely sparking rumours that he had spent the night out with his mates.

Walshy won the toss and despite the absence of regular keeper Giles "Gatwick" Green (who was still travelling back from Oxford having sat one of his "multiple guess" exams that morning) decided to field. Bulldog donned the gloves himself and kept immaculately for 10 overs unfortunately during that time the Mutcham openers had found the gaps left by being 1 short with regular ease and were pushing 4 an over.

Eventually Rhino made the breakthough although unfortunately the score still ticked along to 136 for 1 off 33 overs as Smithers produced a selection of jaffas and liquorice all sorts at the other end. There then followed an outstanding effort in the field as Mutcham were kept to 3 an over when they were looking to score at 8. Key to this was a 3 wicket spell from Belly Richardson, although it has to be said that him and Rhino ruined some of the good work by bowling a buffet selection in the last 2 overs. At one stage Glunn had to pop across the road and knock at the door to ask for the ball back.

So Mitcham generously declared with 5 overs left at 210 for 4, their opener having hit a chanceless 135.

Crossing the road was negotiated and a lovely tea was consumed, meanwhile Lucy was tucking into her 2nd bottle of wine and Kath was engrossed counting the number of police cars, fire engines and lunatics that went past.

Our innings started well and all of the top five got into double figures, somethings which hasnt happened in a long while. During this time we also saw witness to the funniest moment off the field as the "Neandarthal Man" walked across half the pitch to ask Couch if he wanted a fight "cos its not about muscles its about power", however Couch declined and the bloke had to satisfy himself by stripping to his boxer shorts and fighting the dog, before last being seen heading down the middle of the road confronting the oncoming traffic.

Unfortunately things then fell apart, those batsmen that were set got them out with rash shots and the last six could only manage 2 scoring shots between them a truly pathetic effort. This left 32 needed off the last 3 overs with only Glunn and Rhino left at the crease. Most people would have played for a losing draw but that is simply not Glunn. However the win could not be forced with 8 or 9 men posted on the boundary in the boring field set by Mitchams captain. However the winning draw was achieved off the last ball of the game.

Final thoughts go to Morlers the Audi, who after collecting his fourth nought of the season attempted to throw his bat into 2 bins which were next to each other by the side of the ground and somehow missed them both. Also to Helen for refusing to drink aftershock until Bulldog and Rhino were back at the club and then leading an onslaught during which 3 bottles of the stuff were sunk the 3 of them plus Badminton Munge, Couch and Smithy. Just a shame that Pratty had already done it twice the night before.

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