Olinda 80-0

by Mike Walsh

Chapter One

"Finding Nemo"

Bloody fantastic, the cricket season is finally here!  Its been hammeing down for two weeks.  Theres been more drop outs than the RAF parachute team, I've made more calls than the African Hoola Hoola bird to its mate.  I met four of my players for the first time at the meet time (albeit 35 minutes late) and got completely and utterly stuffed.  It was the thought of these things that kept me going, in the darkest hours of winter, great!!

What a humdinger of a week for O2 as they announce record profits for the month of May and its only the eighth!  I've been in the job for five years and I can safely say its been one of the worst weeks in my association with the carnival.  I scouted the universe looking for past, present and future players, could I find Nemo, like heck could I!  With all the water around he could have been anywhere.  Anyway, finally secured the 11th player at 9.45pm Friday night and just hoped there wasn't going to be any drop outs.

To add to the complications the opposition captain rang me 7.30 Friday night claiming he may have to forfeit the fixture as he only had six players but was waiting on a few more to confirm their availability, hw would let me know Saturday morning.  Received the expected call that morning and to my amazement he had eleven.  the same morning their first team fixture had been cancelled, well the rest is history!

Like a school of fish we were picked off one by one by the nibbling sharks.  We were fish out of water, we were completely battered, it was utter codswallop and we reeked of out of date tatare sauce.  We had congealed and even the local alley cats were walking around with pegs on their noses!

Unfortunately the opposition were far too strong for us.  We showed a bit of battle and managed to weed out 77 runs from 27.5overs.  We needed to bowl out of our scales or hoped the weather conditions would worsen and we could swim to the shore.  Alas neither were forthcoming and they literally smashed their way to the target without loss from 12 overs.  We haddock it!

A few positives to take from the match were the very pleasant tuna sarnies, Omar Hussain and Rajeev Marhawa bowled well against superior batsmen. David Fowles, Ed Harman and Omar showed good commitment in the field.

Not an enjoyable week or day but I'm sure Rick Stein has suffered the same problems!?!  At least back at base camp I had the pleasure of a fish and chip supper, whose idea, don't tell them Pike!

The Golden Moment - Umpire for the day Awais Khan commentating that the skipper was batting like nasser Hussain after all these years I had no idea he respected me so much!

The Mad Chaffinch Syndrome - can't think of anything as all went swimmingly well!

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