(Due to possible legal proceedings under the Obscene Publications Act no pictures have been provided)

To preview the 2004 season profiles of the possible superstars for the forthcoming season are provided to give you a rough idea why they were selected (apart from being short of players!)


Mike Walsh

Role:  Supposedly skipper + Telecommunications Manager

Nickname:  Walshys brother + Fifty pence

Cricket Golden Moment:  The Monthly Phone Bill

on't Mention:  Cobhams Man eating Rabbits


Clive Moon

R:  Allegedly Keeper and Transport Manager

N:  The Cat (cause of his liking for Wiskas - what else!?)

CGM - Nick Moon!

DM - Edged chances


Des Cooke

R:  Legal advisor

N:  The Fuzz, The Plod, The Old Bill etc

CGM:  Opening the bowling for 4s first league game - what an honour!

DM:  Swag, pickpockets and arrestable grannies


Faizel Saleem

R: Apparently bowler

N: Morphious

CGM:  Being the only player allocated a squad number

DM: His Dads broken windows, flattened fllowerbeds and Machine Gun nest


Peter Smith

R:  The Team tweaker?

N:  The Stud, Smithy, Warney

CGM:  Resigning as 3rd Team Captain to play for the Carnival

DM: Pukka Pies


Andy Walker

R:  More of a Kebab Man

N:  Ooooooooh Jonny Jonny Wilkinson

CGM:  Moving from Aussie when the call from the 4s came up

DM:  The Beached whale impression at Guildford City. Where's Rainbow Warrior when you need it!?


Shazad Hussain

R:  Team Pain in the Bottom

N:  **** sake pay attention

CGM:  See below

DM: Being locked in the bog at Cheam Parish


Saleem Zafar

R:  Team Swearer

N:  Team Swearer

CGM:  Annoying the opposition more than his own team

DM:  Hundreds and thousands on trifles


Trevor Woods

R:  Youth Development Manager

N:  "Jacko"

CGM:  Providing future 1st XI players and ****heads

DM:  Scary Monsters down dark alleyways


Chris Murphy

R: A Murphy - like the rest of his family does sod all for the club

N:  Gribbler or Fozzy

CGM:  Exporting WHCC to the far echelons of Europe

DM:  That the wooden house of Troy was made of plastic


Peter Grafton

R:  Tuna

N:  Mikes boss

CGM:  Not enough room to mention, well theres............

DM:  Exeter, late nights and the haddock


Mansoor Suleman

R:  Playing cricket

N:  Manny

CGM:  Pulling out of the Pakistan World Cup Squad to play at the Wheatsheaf

DM:  Overpriced CurlyWurly Bars


Charlie Johnson

R:  Ooourrrrrhaaaaarr (whilst pointing) + bar profits contributor

N:  Couch

CGM:  Zuma and the Museum of Becks

DM:  Batsmen in black trainers


Rajeev Marwaha

R: Player Provider

N:  Not printable!

CGM:  Debut for the 4s

DM:  Isotopes


David Fowles

R:  David Fowles

N: Fowlesy or D.F. (your own suggestions please)

CGM: Making Robin Millar leave the country

DM:  The Lemon Curd incident and the Fench Horn


Mike Stevens

R:  Who knows, where are you!?

N:  Are you Will in disguise?

CGM:  Playing in the inaugural 4s league game

DM:  The bird of Paradise and the Bishop


Any information or similarities which may incriminate the above is purely intentional!

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